


Cold Realization

by papergutz



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 12:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6906775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papergutz/pseuds/papergutz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being numb is so much more comfortable than coping with the sadness draining you from the inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Realization

There are a couple of words, and there are two persons, standing in their living room, one of them just having spoken these words out loud.

The words are hanging in the air between them, and they are poignant, scaring, they will change things forever.  
Neither of the two men risks to trigger the smallest of noises, afraid the meaning of the words could find its way to their minds.  
So they continue staring at each other, through the wall of words that is splitting their bodies like it's made of bricks.  
After a while one of them takes a step back, moves their lips, and cold realization makes its way to the other one.

"Fuck. Tell me this isn't happening, please, this can't be happening", Vic trembles, his body shaking in dispute and tears rolling down his cheeks.  
The man in front of him just keeps shaking his head, trying to figure out what else to say.  
But actually, everything has been said. There's nothing left but regret and shame.  
"I don't expect you to take me back, I'll just..disappear, probably pack my things and ..", Kellin whispers, while Vic slowly turns away and starts walking out of the room like in trance, through the as he tries to ignore the screaming of his thoughts and the pictures on the walls that beg him to stay.  
It doesn't feel like Vic's physically able to do so though.

He turns back to the living room, where Kellin can't stop calling Vic's name regretful and disgusted of himself.

The instinct to flee from his problems wins, Vic starts running as soon as he reaches the staircase, without an aim, because he has nowhere to go.  
He stumbles onto the street, where shallow memories creep into his head and he feels the urge to throw up.

He knows that his shell of denial is going to melt eventually, and the pain will be there soon, breaking his neck before it will be replaced by blind anger, if he will even make it that far.  
Fuck, he can't think clearly right now, still hopes to just wake up from this nightmare.  
He vomits into the snow next to him, falling to his knees.  
The cold of the snow is climbing up his body, to this heart, where it leaves one single question.

Why

Why now?  
For how long has this been going on?  
Why did he seem so put together and untouched by all of this.

Why doesn't he deserve someone to make him feel like he's enough, for once?

"Because I'm not.", he whispers.  
"I am not."  
He lays down in the snow, numb, staring into the night sky and watching the flakes starting to cover the pavement.  
"I never was."  
He's spreading his arms, leaving wing-shaped traces in the snow.  
"And I never, ever, will be fucking enough for fucking anybody."  
He's yelling at this point, but it doesn't matter, because noone's going to care anyway about the shivering boy who's lying on the street, while the city around him is drowning in endless white that's swallowing his pain.

From this perspective, the snowfall almost seems like a different dimension. Where time doesn't exist, and unspoken thoughts are resonating in heads emptied by sadness.

But he is still left.  
He, and his stupid, beautiful innocent smile.  
Was it fake every single time?

He was Vic's sun, his ray of light between all of his problems.  
But now, as the cold takes over his body and he is running out of time, it's fading more and more.

Come back

Take me home

Take it back

There are two persons, two boys.  
There are three simple words that create connections.  
Unbroken trust, shown affections.  
Times of joy, freedom and not being afraid of who you really are.  
Soul partners.

Betrayal

Moving is hard, thinking is hard. Thoughts are heavy and hard to hold on to, nothing makes sense anyways.  
Being numb is so much more comfortable than coping with the sadness draining you from the inside.

He closes his eyes -

and he doesn't open them when he hears a voice from far, far away.

"Fuck, Vic, look at me... Please, I care about you, please don't do this.."

But Vic's already falling, shoved over the edge by unconciousness, and somewhere deep down in the last part of his brain that is still working, he knows that there is no collision with the ground following.

The voice of the person it belongs to gets more panical by the second, words turn into helpless crying as the man starts shaking Vic by the shoulder, that doesn't belong to him anymore, like no part of his body does.

There is only the cold.

A thought, sinking into the layers of white and never really brought to an end.

A thought, sleeping forever buried in the snow.


End file.
